Callous (part 3)
A novel in parts.
You can find part 1 and part 2 here.
Brief description: I am writing a novel of sorts, without editing or rewrites. When I complete the tale I will probably rewrite it all into a book if I feel it has value. It is a practice in narrative construction, and a fun way to develop style. Please read the earlier parts first.
Note - I have been re-reading these early chapters today, and I am truly appalled at the way I approached them. Writing this story has taught me something important: that sometimes you have to be terrible at something in order to improve. I am going to continue this book, I have a rough idea for the plotlines and how they’ll resolve, but that is about it. Once I’m done I’ll be rewriting the whole thing. I began unsure about the whole process, now I’m sure I can get a decent book out of it. It has inspired a more difficult historically based narrative too, so to get myself ready I’ll finish Callous first. It is great to read it back and know exactly how I’d approach it all now.
At my current rate it may take another year or two, but I’ve got time. I have a feeling this calling I’ve felt to write has a reason I cannot comprehend yet. Let us see where it goes.
“He who would live must fight. He who doesn't wish to fight in this world, where permanent struggle is the law of life, has not the right to exist.” - Adolf Hitler.
Jonathan woke again, slowly this time, with vague memories of being roughly dragged. Laughter was all around him, but not of a pleasant sort. Mocking, jeering.
Suddenly he was torn out of sleep as he was slammed onto a concrete floor. Still in pitch darkness, but surrounded by people. No one was talking, but he could hear mutters all around him. He could hear them breathing, there was a sort of excitement in the air.
A bright light burned into his eyes, a book was shoved in his face, a big black hand waving it around. For a second Jonathan thought it must be some sort of ape, then realized it was obviously a very dark-skinned man. "WHAT IS THIS?" the man growled in a distinctly bestial voice.
As his eyes adjusted he read the title. "Friedrich Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. He had flicked through the book before, but found most of it incomprehensible. He was slapped, hard. With it came a flash of memory, his father holding this book, telling him that one day he will understand the depth of it, that it is a very important work. "YOU HAVE AN OLD NAZI BOOK HERE WHITE BOY?" *slap* "Tell us about how it makes you feel!" *gut punch*
Jonathan tried to speak, slurring out a whining confession "I barely read it, it was my dads, I don't know anything about it!"
He wondered why they were not even asking him about the stabbing, about the violence.
The beatings then got much worse *crack!* and worse *smash!*.
Jon spat out a few teeth, and tried again to protest his innocence. The black man laughed and said: "It says here you aren't vaccinated either, you dirty fucking white boy"
He could barely hold his head up and fell onto his knees. From somewhere inside him came a sort of rage "I DO NOT KNOW!!!!" he screamed with all his heart, which led to a lot of merriment and laughter.
He heard talking:
"Captain, beyond his name we can't find anything substantial about this boy" then in a gruff voice, the black man:
"Alright, lets give him what he deserves and then send him on"
The beatings continued, Jonathan stopped whining or even crying out, he simply took it. The pain became unbearable, then it somehow plateaued into something he had never experienced, a sort of peace was achieved. Daydreams of his father again.
"Son, we lost our world, we lost everything, but we can make something new, and this book will help you to understand how to go about that"
He remembered taking the book, he remembered looking around at the beautiful little home he was in when so very young, he noticed the sun out the little lounge window seemed a little too bright. As he shifted focus the brightness continued to increase, and seemed to come with a sort of high-pitched whining sound, that only grew in volume as he stared. Suddenly that was all he could see: noise, white light, then blackness….
Brief flashes of consciousness, a dingy hospital-like bed, being pumped with various chemicals, pain all gone. Another flash and he was back in that tiny ute cage, another flash and he was dumped into dirt. Something was dumped into his lap. It was still night but he could see the hint of light on the horizon that promised day was coming soon. He simply sat there trying to absorb his situation, trying to see through the burning white light still dominating his vision, trying to stop the squealing pain in his head.
In front of him was a wall like nothing he had ever seen, all metal. Three times the height of his head, a monumental gate was built into it right in front of him, and as his vision cleared he saw the whole wall was topped with razor wire. Multiple cameras were placed every few meters across the top of it. He was sat maybe 5 or so meters away from it. He jumped up and painfully shambled his way towards the gate. As he did so the two closest cameras panned towards him. Small hatches opened up in the wall itself, and two very large guns peeked out. An almost robotic voice came over a hidden speaker:
"Move away non-citizen, you are not welcome here"
He took a single step closer, almost without thinking.
The guns opened fire, right at his feet! He seemed to have some sense of survival instinct left, and leapt back, at which point the guns retracted back into the wall.
The sun was coming up now, peaking over the horizon. He finally looked around him. As far as he could see in any direction there was a barren sort of wasteland. Just sand, endless bleached sand. In the far distance in the direction of the sunrise he could see what might be hills, rocks, or... something.. he shambled towards them, thinking any direction is better than none. He finally noticed the weight that was dumped into his lap, which he was unconsciously carrying in hand. It was a gift bag of sorts, a sort of cardboard bag. He saw a little spiel on the outside in a pleasant little font (with a smiley face alongside it) "Sorry that you are not welcome in New Condonia anymore non-citizen, but please don't hesitate to promote us to everyone you meet! Please enjoy this care package provided at our expense. Good luck to you! Have a pleasant day." In it was a few candy bars of various popular brands, and a bunch of cans of soft drink.
He tore open one of the chocolates, devoured it in seconds, then followed this by slamming down a doctor pippa. He didn't exactly feel refreshed, but it was something. He walked.
It was a slow pace, it felt as if everything was bent or broken, it felt as if his body shouldn't even be holding itself together. As the sun rose further an intense heat started to develop, and as his fat rolls chafed against each other he wondered if this was the furthest he had ever walked. Looking around at the barren wasteland, he noticed it wasn't quite as barren as he had initially imagined. Little shrubs everywhere. Suddenly he saw something entirely new. A small creature, brown, furry, with big funny ears, darted past him at a distance. He stopped walking and stared. It stopped and looked at him for a few seconds, then darted off to his right. He had never seen anything like it before, and decided to follow it. The sun continued to get hotter. He quickly lost the little brown creature, so resumed walking towards what looks like distant hills. They didn't seem to be getting any bigger, but he was too burnt out to really even think about that.
Jonathan was in immense pain, but a strange change came over him. Somehow there was a moment of tranquility, and even an experience of pure awe. The golden sun, the plains around him, the strange creatures, Condonia in the distance behind him just a shining speck on the horizon. For the first time in his life he enjoyed a moment without dread, without anxiety, without guilt. An experience of pure being. He didn't understand this consciously of course, not in any deep sense, but walking became easier, and for the first time in a long time, just for a moment, he smiled.